World Marriage Sunday Humor

Today is World Marriage Sunday, and I came across this little joke in a few different places:

A little girl, who was at her very first wedding Mass, whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
       
The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
       
After pondering that for a bit, the girl asked, "So why is the groom wearing black, then?"

All in good fun, of course!  My prayers go out to all the married couples reading, as well as those who have been married before, or are about to be married this year!

God Bless you.
 

Is There Baseball in Heaven?

Two best friends, Bob and Mark, were two of the biggest baseball fans on the planet.

Their entire adult lives, Bob and Mark discussed baseball history and pored over every box score during the season. They went to as many games a year as they could afford. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.

One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching his favorite team win earlier in the evening. A few nights later, his buddy Mark awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond.

"Bob, Is that you?" Mark asked.

"Yes, it's me," Bob replied.

"I can't believe it!" Mark exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well, I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?"

"Tell me the good news first."

"Well, the good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven, Mark.”

"Oh, that is fantastic! So what's the bad news then?"

"You're pitching Wednesday night."

God Bless you.

Happy 2015: You are Here for a Reason

Happy New Year to all of you! 

I heard the song For a Reason by Ashes Remain for the first time yesterday, and I thought the lyrics were inspiring as we start this new year.   Here is an excerpt:

If you spend your days just getting by
When you feel useless, He can use you
And show you what it means to be alive:

Every time that you wake up breathing
Every night when you close your eyes
Everyday that your heart keeps beating
There's purpose for your life
So don't give up
Don't lay down
Just hold on
Don't quit now
Every breath that you take has meaning
You are here for a reason

Everyday is a gift from above
Don't throw it away
When it feels like too much
He'll be there...

A Blessed 2015 to you and your families!
 

Why We Don't Applaud at Mass

This weekend, our Pastor took a few moments to teach the confirmation candidates a few things about the Mass.

I enjoy these lectures, mainly because I can learn all the stuff I should already know under the guise of it being "for the children."

In any case, one of the kids asked him why we don't applaud at Mass.  Like after the choir sings, or a reader is finished.  (Or, as our Pastor added, "when the homily is over".)

His answer was quite simple.  Those "performances" are not for us.  We tend to forget that everything we do at Mass is to worship God.  He is the audience.  

And as our Pastor remarked ... "If God wants to applaud, He is more than welcome to!"

I'm really glad he reminds us the children of things like that because we they tend to forget.

God Bless you (and praying that God applauds our performances this week!).

Post-Easter Smile

Post-Easter let down?

Here is a quick joke to put a smile on your face:

A friend of Joseph of Arimathea asked him why he gave his new tomb to that man called Jesus.

Joseph replied "Oh it wasn't an problem ... He only needed it for the weekend."



God Bless you.

Blesh

Sneezing. 

I admit, it is an unusual topic for this, or any, Catholic blog.

But bear with me a second, because I have to get something off my chest.

You see, in the northeast United States, when someone sneezes, most will quickly respond with a "blesh you".

Blesh.  

I looked it up, and Mr. Webster does not recognize it as a word. (Even my autocorrect is furious I won't replace it in this post.) Which means most of us are just speaking nonsense to our fellow sneezers.

And that got me thinking about why we even bless them anyway.

Turns out there are many theories.

A long time ago, people believed a sneeze released a person's soul for a short time.  Thus, people blessed sneezers so Satan did not grab their exposed soul.   Others believed the opposite ... that a sneeze released a demon from the body.  A blessing on them was to keep the demon from reentering.

When plagues ran rampant, a sneeze was believe to be an indication of contamination, and thus, death.   So a blessing was necessary for them.

At one point it was even believed a person's heart stopped when they sneezed.  A blessing here was to get the heart pumping again!

In any case, none of the theories I came across carried much weight, and I was left feeling the "bless you" was merely an old habit just passed on from generation to generation.

Nonetheless, we can all use more blessings!  So my request for the world is as follows ...

If you are going to bless someone ... then BLESS them, don't Blesh them!

God BLESS!

Laugh

A teenage boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.


His father said he'd make a deal with his son: "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. 

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't gotten your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair...and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"


God Bless. 

So THAT'S Why the King was so Mad

I have to admit, I never quite understood why the King in today's Gospel reading was so mad.  

Dont' get me wrong, I understood the point of the story, and the parallels to the Jews and Gentiles.  

But the way I saw it, the King dragged these poor people off the street.  How could he possibly expect them to have appropriate wedding attire?  Wasn't he overreacting just a bit?

However, today I learned that in those days, it was customary for the King to provide wedding garments for his guests.   

And that is why he was so insulted.

He invited them to a lavish party that they never deserved to be invited to, offered them entertainment they could get nowhere else, and unlimited food and wine to fill themselves with.

All they had to do was put on the clothes he gave them.

Instead, one gentleman felt like his own, unclean clothes were appropriate.  And he was immediately deemed 'persona non grata'.

The parallels to God and His guests today are obvious, and since others will do a better job of writing about such things, I won't belabor them here.

But I do now realize I can no longer walk around in my own Charlie Brown Halloween costume and keep calling myself Holy*.

God Bless you.


*Ok, ok,  I'll leave the jokes to Victor from now on. 

True or False?

Circle one for each.

True or False:  Jesus, in today's Gospel (Mt. 15:21-28), is not being sarcastic or mean. He is assessing and unveiling the great faith of a woman.

True or False: Jesus made her ask for help three times to gauge her conviction.

True or False: One lesson we can take from this is that the Lord is always testing our faith and love in Him.

True or False: Another lesson we can take from this is that we need to trust in God, even when we are not given what we want immediately. 

Extra Credit:  Show the parallels between the test in today's Gospel and the crosses we carry every day in our lives.  Explain how you will change your behavior accordingly. 

You will have the remainder of your life to finish this test.

(Unfortunately a woman from Canaan has set the curve.) 

God Bless you.

A Miracle and The Power of Prayer

I just got finished reading Heaven is For Real - a wonderful story about a 4-year-old's 3-minute visit to Heaven.  Todd Burpo, the child's father, decided he needed to tell his son's miracle to the world. 

After reading it, I realized I've been remiss in telling all of you about a miracle that happened to a woman I know.  I've changed the names, but the following story is exactly as she emaied it - emphasis, scripture and all.   For what it is worth, she is a very spiritual person.  He, as far as I know, wasn't.  Hopefully that will change!

In any case, it's a beautiful example of the power of prayer.

God Bless.

-------------------------------------------

Jill's Story 

My husband Bob is a healthy 44 year old runner and on Wednesday while driving home from work, and with zero risk factors, he had a stroke.  I started praying immediately.  In the ER were shocked to find Bob slumped to over to the left side, his mouth and face drooping, speech barely coherent, entire left side of his body numb and cold, his eyes darting back and forth, and he was vomiting profusely.  Things looked very bad.

The Neurologist advised administering tPA, a risky heavy duty clot busting drug which has the frightening side effect of causing 7% of patients to bleed to death.  I started praying harder.  Our young daughters prayed along silently while I laid my hands on Bob’s head and began to pray out loud saying “Jesus you told us that where two or three are gathered in your name, you are there in their midst.  (Matthew 18:20)  We ask you to bless and fully heal Bob and our family.  We KNOW and BELIEVE you can do it….”  I continued to ask Jesus, the Holy Spirit and our Father to heal Bob and then I began a litany of Catholic Christian Prayers, again returning to conversation with the Trinity.  The doctor stood by and watched as I prayed, but did NOT administer any medication.

After a few minutes, quite abruptly, Bob stopped vomiting and very CLEARLY started speaking and saying “Wait a minute!  Did you just put something into my RIGHT hand?!”  The doctor said “No”.  Bob sat up a little taller, and within 30 seconds said:  “I felt something warm go into my RIGHT hand and spread up my arm.  It felt like a cozy, warm bath….except it was INSIDE my body instead of outside.  It started washing down over my torso and into my right leg.  It didn’t follow any pathway - it just washed over me.  But it felt like there was a partition down the center of my body – like it was divided in half – my left side was numb and cold.  And all of a sudden it felt like someone opened a faucet and this incredible warm sensation moved immediately - all at one time - into my left side – even in my legs – it was like the warmth bridged from my right leg over to my entire left leg in one motion.  The room stopped spinning and my feeling has come back.  The only thing I feel is a little tingling in my left hand.”  Remember…Bob had received NO medication at this point!

The Neurologist was quite surprised and re-examined Bob – every symptom was gone.  The doctor determined that it must not have been a stroke after all, it must have been a TIA/mini stroke.  However, an MRI confirmed that Bob DID indeed have a full stroke.  So what happened?  Isaiah 41:13 says:  “For I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your RIGHT hand; It is I who say to you, “Fear not, I will help you.”

Bob has some tingling in his left hand and his gait is slightly off, but he is expected to FULLY recover.  He told me “It was worth it to have the stroke just so I could experience that warm sensation.”  He was released from the hospital on Friday and returned to work after the weekend.  All tests have been inconclusive; we don’t know what caused the stroke.  He is now on blood thinner and cholesterol medicine (his cholesterol is considered normal, but high for a stroke victim).

As for me, I have never had an experience like this before and am extremely humbled to have been used as God’s instrument.  I do not recall feeling anything at all during the healing.  It has been a very emotional experience for me and I am truly grateful to God for healing Bob and for the blessing He bestowed on all of us.  I believe that God must have great plans for Bob.

We glorify God by sharing this story with you.  BELIEVE that your prayers ARE heard.  Jesus DOES heal.  Jesus DOES save.  Believe it with all your heart.  If you haven’t talked to Him lately, why not start now and thank Him for your many blessings…. and always glorify His name. 

Fair

St. Peter walks into a bar and overhears Michael talking to the bartender. 

Michael:  The world just doesn't seem fair anymore, does it?  I mean, lots of good people are unemployed or underemployed. People are watching helplessly as their homes lose value bit by bit.  It costs a fortune to fill a gas tank.  And all these natural disasters that are happening ....

Bartender:  Oh I know, it's terrible isn't it?  The future doesn't seem so fair either.  I mean, we're all going to get stuck paying for all these deficits.  I'm probably not going to get social security like my parents did.  And don't even get me started about the NFL ... we might have to go all winter without seeing a game!  How is that fair?

St. Peter:  I'm sorry to interrupt gents, but I overheard you talking about fairness, and I don't think you know what unfair is.  If I can paraphrase myself in the second reading today ... Jesus didn't do a single thing wrong.  NOT ONE SINGLE THING!  And He was beaten and killed. Brutally. For all the bad stuff you did.  And will do.  Does that seem fair to you?  DOES IT?  

Michael:  Well ... 

St Peter:  How bad do YOUR things sound now?

Michael: Well .... I guess I'm a bit embarrassed.

St. Peter:  Listen, it's ok.  You're human.  I just wanted to give you some perspective so you don't get so down.  Whether those things are (air quotes) fair or unfair (air quotes) is irrelevant.  The future is bright because Jesus accepted the most unfair sentence in the history of the world.  

Bartender:  (smiling)  You're right.  Thanks for that.  Drinks are on the house.  What can I get ya?

St. Peter:  Nothing for me, thanks.  I have to be going.  (looking around and patting pockets)  Anyone seen my keys?

Don Draper, Frank Purdue and the Pope

After a solemn weekend in the US, I thought we could all use a smile.

---------------------------------------------------------

Don Draper walked into the Vatican with Frank Purdue to try and sell the Pope on his latest Ad campaign.

"Mr. Pope ... Frank and I want to integrate chicken into the rituals of folks around the country, and we were thinking ... what better way than The Lord's Prayer."

The Pope looked at Don with bewilderment.  "I'm not sure I understand, Mr. Draper."

"Mr. Pope," Don continued, "we're willing to offer you .... fifty thousand dollars to change the Lord's Prayer to 'give us this day, our daily chicken.'"

The Pope's bewilderment quickly changed to agitation.  "Mister Draper ... I will not hear of such nonsense.  Absolutely not."

"Ok, ok," Don responded, "You got us.  I must have misread the contract and missed a zero.  We're really willing to offer you five hundred thousand dollars to change the Lord's Prayer to 'give us this day our daily chicken.'"

The Pope's agitation softened for just a second as he processed the new offer.  "Listen, guys, those words are sacred to our religion.  I just can't change them for five hundred grand.  Sorry.  Thank you for your time.  Good day."


"Wait, wait, wait," Don quipped, sensing a tiny crack in the armor, "I get it.  I get it.  Ok .. .how's this ... we'll offer you one million dollars to change the Lord's Prayer to 'give us this day our daily chicken'.  That's one...  million ... dollars!"

The next day, the Pope gathered his staff and announced, "Folks, I have some good news and some bad news.  The good news is that I think I found a way to raise all that money we need to feed the poor."


"And the bad news?" a staff member asked.

"I think we're going to lose the Wonder Bread account..."


--------------------------------------------------------


Please join me in saying a real Our Father for all of the victims of terrorism, wars, and natural disasters around the world.


God Bless.

100 + 40 = 140

It's not often that I post on a Wednesday, but God has a funny way of timing things.

Today, on the first day of Lent, I am writing my 100th post.

When I started this blog August 7, 2008, I really wasn't sure what God wanted me to do. I just felt like He wanted me to start writing. I thought that He wanted me to add to the online Catholic community to help people spend more time with God.

Little did I know that He sent me here to learn from all of you.

So this 100th post is my thank you to all of you that have stopped by here to read my posts, to encourage me, and to make me smile. You have taught me what true Faith looks like, what God's community feels like, and what real prayer sounds like. Through your blogs, your comments, your knowledge, and your prayers, you have helped me grow closer to God.

And as I have said before, for that I am eternally grateful.

I pray that you all have a very Blessed Lenten season as we prepare for the coming of our Savior.

- Michael

P.S. You are probably looking at the title to this post and wondering what that equation means. Well, the 100 is because this is my 100th post. Lent starts today for 40 days. Those two added together obviously equal 140 ... which just so happens to be the number of characters Twitter gives you to say whats on your mind. So, one of my Lenten commitments is going to be to praise God via Tweets as often as I can during Lent. Not a Twitter fan? You can follow my tweets in the upper right corner of my blog. Have a twitter account? Why don't you join me and help me fill the Twitter-sphere with praise!?

I've Been Tagged

First of all, apologies for disappearing for two weeks. I ended up going on a last minute trip, and will be posting some pictures in an upcoming post!

(Here's a hint, in case you want to play Where in the World was Michael: October 4th and Top 5. Any guesses?)

In the meantime, Christopher tagged me with the Honest Scrap award and I will fulfill my obligation in this post. Christopher's blog, Sanctus Christopher, is a nice mix of wit, photos, and religious commentary. I always enjoy stopping by. (And thanks for tagging me Christopher.)

Without further ado, here are "Ten Honest Facts About Myself". And since there don't appear to be any guidelines about topics, I will share 5 religious facts and 5 non-religious facts.

Non-Religious

1) I really don't like talking about myself. Jesus, yes. Peter and Paul, yes. Myself, not so much.

2) Stealing a topic from Christopher ... I sing Sinatra in the shower. With over 300 singles to choose from, I take really long showers.

3) Speaking of which, I have always wished I could sing. Maybe even make it my profession. (But since this is an Honest Fact post, I must admit I could shatter windows.)

4) You don't believe me? In 2nd grade we put on a singing concert for all the parents. After the third rehearsal, the teacher pulled me aside and said that instead of singing, I would be playing the triangle. Said it was a very important role that only I could perform. I believed her.

5) I am an optimist. About life, and about people.

Religious

6) I listen to the bible every morning in the car. (Thank you Daily Audio Bible)

7) I have never been to the Holy Land, but would love to go someday. I can't even imagine how spiritually moving it must be stand where Jesus and His Apostles stood.

8) I think Ave Maria is the most beautiful song in the world.

9) Embarrassingly enough, for a good part of my life, I thought Mark and Luke were Apostles.

10) And to show you that I still have a long way to go, I just tried to name the 12 original Apostles off the top of my head and I missed one. (Sorry, Thaddeus!)

Ok, Christopher, I believe this fulfills my duties. For the rest of you, I am sorry you had to sit through this!

God Bless all of you.

Happy 4th

Just wanted to wish everyone in the U.S. a happy 4th of July. (And for those of you outside the U.S., a blessed Saturday)

May God bless the United States of America, our leaders and our people.

May He bring independence to those who seek it, and to those who are oppressed.

And may He bring peace to a world that desperately needs it.

God Bless.

Singing Without a Voice

I was visiting another Church this weekend and witnessed something I thought was simply wonderful.

First of all, the Church itself was huge. It had a Byzantine-like architecture on the outside, and large, marble columns throughout the inside. The altar was equally impressive, with a few areas just off it for lecterns, singers, etc.

During the homily, I realized that there was a woman in one of these areas who was translating what the priest was saying into sign language. She was facing a a group of pews to the far left, and I figured this Church had a large group of deaf parishioners.

It wasn't until the next musical intercession that I realized there was just one deaf parishioner ... and he was proudly singing in sign language.

It was an emotional sight to behold. Here was a gentleman who had a physical disability, and it didn't stop him from proclaiming his love for God and the Mass. With each refrain, he proudly thrust his arms up and around. He was singing louder and with more emotion with his hands than most of us were with our voice.

I will certainly not forget it next time I sing a hymn at Mass.

God bless.

P.S. I also thought it was great that the Church provided this service. A perfect example of a shepherd leaving no sheep behind ....

Pop Quiz

I came across an interesting fact the other day. I never really thought about it before reading it so I thought it would make a good pop quiz for everyone.

The Catholic Church officially celebrates three birthdays.

Do you know whose they are?

God Bless.

Keep Christ in Christmas

Two Christmas thoughts for you.

A wise person once told me two things:

First, never use the term Xmas. It takes the Christ out of Christmas.

Second, no one named Holly was born on December 25.
Next time you go to wish someone a Happy Holiday, wish them a Merry Christmas instead.

God bless.

Don't Forget to Smile

Just came across these “Christian one-liners” over at Inside Catholic.

Some are cute with a lesson behind them, like “Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect you couldn’t belong”. Some give us pause, such as “Don’t put a question mark where God put a period”. And some are just funny, like “The Good Lord did not create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close”.

Check out Irene’s post for the rest of the list.

God Bless.